Her father looked fragile. It wasn’t a state that she was used to seeing him in. Even with his diagnosis, he continued to remain the same strong person she had remembered him to be. But now, she couldn’t shake the fact that he had changed whether she wanted to admit it or not.
Time was unfair to them both. She wanted so badly to return to her old life. When her father was healthy, and her family was together. But time pulled them all apart. June remembered the way her father looked at her mother when she would dance on the front porch and sing with her. How he would swoop in and take both of them in his arms. He was a good Father and a good man until…time took his hand and led him into death. After that, all he did was push people away. No one wanted to leave him when he needed them the most. But his pride refused their love. Especially, June’s mother. She changed when he changed. Her light dimmed daily with his harsh words. He didn’t mean any of it. His fear of the unknown had taken over and he said words that she could never forgive him for. Mally had no choice but to move out. He made it impossible for her to stay.
June returned to her homestead because home is where you go when you’re broken. But her home wasn’t the same. It too was broken. Her parents were separated, and it tore June’s heart to pieces. They were the ones that taught her to love. And now she was seeing them both in another light, a dark one. Moving back home felt like a mistake. She had been right to come back. Still, doing what was right wasn’t always comforting. She was miserable. Everyone was. The place had changed, and June didn’t like it.
She had hoped that moving home again would bring her back to her old self. The one that loved life. The one that gave her confidence. She needed that back so desperately. But instead, she was restless with stress looming over her and the more she took on, the more she faded away. June was drowning but all she ever wanted was to swim and to help others swim around her. She just couldn’t do it. No matter how many floats she threw their way, they all refused the help. And when the damage was done. June was alone, swimming aimlessly into a deep sea of regret. She looked around for help, but the waters were empty. No parents, no husband and sadly no daughter. How could she save them when she couldn’t even save herself?
June knew in her heart that her dad was never going to be the same. She also knew deep down that he loved his family. She didn’t need him to say it. She could see past his pain. It’s what kept her going. So, when he asked her to leave a month ago. Unlike her mother, she stayed. He wasn’t going to push her away. She knew he needed her. She also knew how much he loved being with Melody.
Melody climbed off the couch and rubbed her eyes. “Grandpa?” She moved closer to him but kept an unsure eye on her mother. “Can he hear me, Mommy?”
June nodded.
“Grandpa, when we get home, can you watch me ride my bike?” She waited for him to respond. But his eyes remained closed, and his breathing was heavy and unsteady.
June scooted her chair closer to them both. “If you want, I can take you.”
“No, Mommy. I want Grandpa to take me.”
“But honey…”
“Only Grandpa!”
“He’s sick and needs to rest.”
“He needs to see me on my bike, Mommy. He hasn’t seen me yet.” Tears started to fall. “You always say no.”
June didn’t know if she was having a tantrum or if maybe she understood more than what June thought.
“Oh Melody. I wish he could.” She lowered her head and buried her face into her hands.
Melody gently placed her small hand on June’s back. “It’s okay, Mommy.”
June slowly lifted her head and pulled Melody into a hug. This time, Melody did not pull away. She stayed, there in her mother’s arms. Where two hurt hearts could come together and rebuild. One stone at a time.
⚘⚘⚘
In the afternoon, Mally stopped by to take Melody home so she could get some real sleep. June expected her to stay but she refused. She walked into the room and made it a point not to look at her husband lying there, helpless. June wasn’t sure why? She had guessed that she was still mad at him for the awful things he had said to her. But she wondered if it was deeper than that. Maybe Mally didn’t want to see the truth in the future. Like June, she wanted to live in the past. It felt safer that way.
There was a knock at the door.
The doctor rushed in. He had blue scrubs on and looked worn out with puffy eyes. “Miss Waters I presume. I’m Doctor Watts.”
June stood up to greet him. “Mrs. Sparrow…I’m m—”
The doctor didn’t seem to listen. He had news to deliver and wasn’t wasting any time. “Let me be blunt with you.” He paused for a moment. “Your dad is in bad shape. The cancer has spread to other parts of his body. He has fluid build-up around the lungs.” Doctor Watts scratched his head. “He’s in stage four…It won’t be long.”
June’s knees buckled. She reached for the bed to sturdy her a bit. “Can’t we do something? More chemo?”
Doctor Watts tilted his head to the side. “Chemo?”
“Yes, my dad’s been on chemo. Is it not working?”
He scratched his head again. “Um…I’m not sure how to put this. But your dad specifically asked not to do chemo. In fact, he refused any treatment that I had advised him. We went over the repercussions, and he was very aware that this would limit his time.”
June felt the air leave the room. A chilling, weighted silence came in. Her lips were pressed tightly together. It made June feel like a coil of rope, brash wind pulling at it, tugging, slipping. Taking everything away from her. Threads slowly dwindling. It was only a matter of time, and she was going to be torn away.
She looked down at her father as he slept. How could you, Dad?
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