On Thursday morning, June took a walk downtown. She pondered what her night was going to look like at Puckett’s. It had been a long time since she’d sang in front of her old friends. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to face her old life. Those people knew her as someone else. Her glow had faded. She wanted to blame Nick. It would be easier that way. But she knew the truth.
They’d been happily married only a year. She had just released an album that year that once again was tearing up the country music charts. A week after, she was confirmed to go on tour. Yet, it wasn’t the same for her. The thought of nights away from him, how much she would miss him. She begged for him to go with her, but he said he’d only come if they could be the opening band. Diana Foster wouldn’t allow it. June was under a strict contract. After that, things started to change between them. Their phone conversations became short. When she returned from touring, he was distant. Seemed jealous even. His career was going nowhere while hers was soaring to new heights.
So, she did the unthinkable, she quit singing. Most of her friends and family thought she quit for Nick’s self-esteem. But to be fair, she had bigger dreams in mind. She wanted a family, a big family. So, soon after quitting, they became pregnant with Melody. It was everything June ever wanted. They lived east of Nashville in a beautiful two-bedroom cottage. Nick’s career started to take off. And for the most part, they were happy.
They say in life that sometimes you can’t get what you want, but instead you get what you need. June wanted more children. More than anything. She didn’t want Melody to be an only child, like her. But fate would not allow it. June wasn’t able to get pregnant again. They tried fertility treatments but had no success. It changed June. It could’ve been from all the hormonal medicines that she had taken, but she wasn’t the same. And overtime, her depression had leaked into her marriage like a river of sadness.
Walking and looking down at the brick sidewalk, June began to hum.
“Is it true?” Lilly asked. “You’re the headliner at Puckett’s tonight?” She adjusted her purse strap that was falling off her shoulder.
June lifted her head and studied her old friend. She opened her mouth, shut it again.
Lilly smiled thinly. “Sorry about the other day. I didn’t know about your dad…So, you’ve come back home for good, huh?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“I see.” Lilly said shortly. “Well, I’ll be there and I’m pretty sure the whole town will be there. You know Buddy, he absolutely loves you and would do anything for your family.”
“My family?”
“Oh, I thought you knew…he’s putting together a benefit concert tonight. Since you’re broke and losing your farm and all.”
“What?”
Lilly shrugged. “Anyways, everyone knows about it.” You could see the satisfaction of telling her in her eyes. “Something wrong? I didn’t—”
“No, no, nothing at all.” June interrupted brightly. “And how are you these days?”
“Oh, I’m great, never better. I don’t know if you know this, but Tom and I are engaged. We’re getting married in the fall. It’s been a whirlwind of planning, but I know it’s going to—” Lilly tilted her head. “Are you sure you’re, okay? You don’t look okay.”
June could feel her throat in her mouth. She nearly lost it. Tom would’ve told me, wouldn’t he? “You’re not ever going to be nice to me, are you?”
“Excuse me.” With her face carefully blank.
“We used to be friends…What happened?”
“Look, I know you’re going through some stuff right now, so I’m not going to entertain your candor. But just so you know…Don’t think I don’t know what’s going on between Tom and you. He’s at your house every day. And if you think he’s going to play the guitar for you tonight, well I’ve already put a stop to that. So, looks like you’re on your own.”
June was listening and not listening. All she could think about was how embarrassed she was that the whole town knew she was a failure. She wanted to run; far, far away from everything but she knew her troubles would follow. She left Lilly standing there as she ranted and raved and walked over to Puckett’s Restaurant which was only a few blocks away.
She bolted into the restaurant and headed toward Buddy who was cleaning bar glasses.
Buddy put his hand up. “Before you say anything…hear me out.” He paused for a moment. “June, you’re like the daughter I never had. You’re family to me. So, when I found the letter from the bank lying on the floor…I couldn’t just ignore it. You need help and—”
“Now, Buddy, you know I’m not going to accept your—”
“Listen to me…You are and that’s the end of it. This town loves you. I love you.”
“I’m afraid I can’t let you do this.” She trailed off. “I need the money. It’s stupid of me to pretend I don’t but I can’t take a handout, it’s not who I am.”
“I know…but it’s not really a handout.”
“Call it what you will, we both know what it is,” she said flatly. She shook her head. “No, You need to take my name down from the sign in front. I’m not singing.”
His sympathetic eyes were as familiar to her as her own. She’d known those eyes, known him, all of her life. “June, you deserve to be remembered.”
She closed her eyes. “It’s my problem, I’ll be the one to fix it.” Before she could change her mind, she walked away. Guilt twisted inside her. She knew Buddy was just trying to help. But the only way June could be her was to start living life her way.
Later that afternoon June went to visit her dad. Her heart was hammering in her chest as she opened the door. As she walked toward him, she could feel him slipping away. There was no pretending anymore. She tried to focus on what needed to be done. Knowing there had to be strength in her, somewhere, hiding. But as she searched to find it, she listened to her father’s wheezing breaths. She reached out, held her father’s hand tightly, then let go. “You need to talk to Mamma.”
Henry slowly, slowly angled up in the bed to a sitting position. An oxygen tank stood by the bed. Clear tubes inserted into his nostrils. “I had a dream last night,” he said, slumping back into the pillows. “You were singing on the front porch of our house and the whole town was there.” He sighed. “It wasn’t all that bad, was it? We had some good times…”
June was shocked to hear him speak so casually.
“I want you to remember that.” He coughed into his tissue, and you could see blood. “Your mamma…well, I know what I did was wrong. I needed her to hate me. Understand? I couldn’t leave her with a broken heart.”
This hurt more than June could bear. “I know,” June said. “But you forgot one little thing…There’s nothing you can do, to make her stop loving you.”
His tired eyes filled with tears. “I didn’t expect for her to move out. Never wanted that.”
“Dad, what did you expect her to do?”
“Stay,” he said in a whisper. “I wanted her to stay by my side…and when she left…”
“You got mad.”
“Yeah, I got mad. I know, nothing about that is right. I purposely pushed her away trying to protect her. I just didn’t think it would work…so easily I might add.”
June smirked. “Huh…you two are something else. Like two bulls going at it…and you know no one ever truly wins you know. Instead, you’re both just killing your love that you’ve had for one another for so long. And now…Mamma is beside herself at home, she’s lost Dad. She has let the oceans of pain wash over her and break her down into nothingness. Is that what you wanted?”
He lowered his head. “I never wanted any of this.” He coughed again and more blood filled his tissue. June stood up and got him another tissue and took his used tissue and threw it away. “All I ever wanted was us to be a family.”
“And we were…we are…Dad, I need you to tell Mamma all of this. She needs to hear it.”
Henry sighed deeply. Fighting for each breath, each word. It took everything he had to speak. “I’m so tired…the thought of you two being alone without me, just isn’t right…”
June leaned down and kissed her father’s forehead. “I’ll be okay Daddy…I will and so will Mamma…eventually…I hope…and I know you’ll always be with me. But you two need to make peace with each other.”
He slowly nodded. “Love you baby girl.”
“Love you too, Daddy always and forever.”
On this hot summer afternoon, June rolled her windows down as she was driving down their long gravel driveway, letting her hair flow into the wind. She wasn’t sure how she was going to tell Mamma about losing the farm or about Daddy. But she knew avoiding it, would only make it worse…and she didn’t need that. It was time to face the truth. No matter how hard it was going to be.
June got out of the truck and stood in her overgrown yard. A crowd waited for her in the front yard. June felt their eyes on her, noticed how everybody stopped when she approached.
Mally ran and stood beside her. “I tried to call you, but you didn’t answer.”
June stared out at her friends gathered together, waiting…
“Um…I don’t know what to say,” June said. “Why are all these people here?”
Mally took June’s arm and brought her in close. “They’re here because they love you.”
For a few seconds she could only bask in the reality that God was here, listening. He had to be—for this was her father’s vision…
