Pure panic set in. She had spent most of the night tossing in bed and reciting all the sane objections she should have considered when she came up with this plan. She wasn’t prepared to see Nick for so many reasons.
She knew she was about to face the other woman. How could she compete with Alice? A woman who didn’t carry the same burden as her. A woman who was free to go after her dreams. Not only did she take her husband, but she was also living the life that June was supposed to live. Instantly, she hated her.
That afternoon, June stood in front of the mirror analyzing herself in the yellow dress that she had picked out the night before. She changed into dress after dress, but nothing seemed to look right. Maybe it wasn’t the dress. Perhaps she had changed. She was a Mother now. These clothes represented the old her. With every outfit, she cringed. Her hair was no longer smooth and long. She had cut it short to make it easier to deal with and the sun had damaged it. She rarely wore makeup. What was the point? She worked all day on a farm. Most of the time it was just her and the animals and the open air.
She looked over at the nightstand where she kept her wedding ring. Something that both Nick and she had stopped wearing a year ago. She couldn’t help but feel it was the start to it all. One action after another to create separation between them. And now this.
She felt faint. The thought of losing Nick forever was sinking in. Could she do this without him? She didn’t want to let go of their love. It was uncertain, yes. But she knew it was pure. At least she remembered it that way. June wasn’t ready to close the door on the life they had built together. They had Melody. Clearly, that couldn’t have been a lie. He loved her. That she was certain of. But why or how could he leave that love behind?
She laid down on the bed and tears found their way to the corners of her eyes. She felt someone sit next to her.
“One day he’ll be sorry he did this to you.” Her mom leaned in closer and rubbed her back. “Remember what I used to tell you when you were a little girl?”
She cringed. “How could I forget.” She sat up and slouched her shoulders back. “Only God has the answers.” Right now, she was having a hard time believing that God had a hand in this. She had prayed more in the last year than she had in her whole life. Where were the answers?
“That’s right, June.” Mally’s enthusiasm waned, and her eyes grew damp. “It’s been hard, real hard…And I can tell you’re a bit lost right now. But know this…that strength you had is still in there. It is. You may not see it, but I do. And you know what…you’re simply amazing. Don’t let that man tell you any different.”
“But why, Momma? Why did he leave?”
“I don’t know why sweet baby, but I do know you. You’re hardheaded and headstrong. And if you see something in your way…you charge at it. This is no different. So, he left. Shame on him. You can’t control him. But if you take a good look around…you’ve got it all! You do…”
“I sure don’t feel like I have it all…”
“When I look around…I see a family who loves each other. I also see a daughter who has taken on so much in such a short amount of time and somehow, you’ve done it. We still have a roof over our head. And Melody…well, that’s a tough one I will say. She’s got her momma in her. Bright as a light but angry as a hornet. Underneath her fury is a broken heart. One that you both share right now. So, when I ask you to believe in God’s plan…please don’t look at me that way again. He loves you, June. We all do.”
June grabbed her mom’s hands and held them tight. “I’m going to fix this. Tom and I are headed to Asheville tonight to see Nick. Do you mind looking after Melody while I’m gone?”
“Asheville?”
“He’s playing a gig there.” June looked at herself in the mirror again. “Momma, have I changed?”
“Oh honey…we all change over time.”
“Is that a, yes?” She turned around to face her momma. “Because I’ve had it in my head that I haven’t changed.”
Her mom grinned. “Change can be a good thing you know. Doesn’t always have to be bad.”
She felt a ripple of self-doubt. “Nick’s cheating on me.”
Mally raised her brow and adjusted her glasses. “He doesn’t seem like the type.”
“I know. That’s why I can’t get my head around it. I know we’ve had our problems but cheating.”
“You asked me if you changed…Do you want the Momma answer or the friend answer?”
June narrowed her eyes toward her. “What do you think?”
Mally stood up. “All right, here it is. I want you to think about what makes you, you.”
“Oh gosh Momma, really? I don’t have time for this.”
“You asked and I’m answering.”
June took a deep breath. “My family makes me who I am, I guess…and this farm has certainly defined me in the last year.”
“Go on…What else?”
“I really don’t have time for this.”
Mally stared at her. “You’re missing something, right?”
“Yeah, my husband.”
“Forget about that…It’s something else.”
“You and I both know I don’t have time for that.”
“True…but it’s a part of you, whether you admit it or not. It was your dream, June.”
“Was, is the key word. Things change, remember? Daddy and you needed me here…and besides this is my home. Always has been.”
“And always will be.” She placed her hands on June’s shoulders. “God gave you a talent for a reason.”
“No offense Momma, but God also gave Daddy lung cancer.”
She dropped her hands and closed her eyes. “I’m going to try to forget you said that.” Calmer, she opened her eyes, felt her face smooth out and left the room in silence.
Suddenly, June felt her pain leaking from her body and not even her own Momma could stop it. She dropped to her knees and buried her face in her hands. God…Why? What did I do to deserve this?
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