Nick was still asleep.
June slipped from the bed quietly and quickly, trying not to wake him, got
dressed, and went into Melody’s room.
June
leaned down and whispered, “Baby girl, I’m going to the hospital. I want you to
stay here with your dad and grandma.”
She
didn’t answer but June could tell she was half awake. She snuggled back into
the covers and rolled over.
June
left the house and proceeded to her truck, noting that the temperature had
cooled markedly since yesterday. The sky was gray, and a steady breeze was
blowing the treetops all one direction. She wasn’t sure if it was the weather
that was making her feel so uneasy or was it the fact that Nick was back.
Standing
outside her father’s hospital room, she grasped the knob and slowly turned,
opening the door. Each day, he became frailer; the hospital gown seemed to
envelop him.
“It
looks like it’s going to storm out there,” June said, trying to take her mind
off of how bad her father looked. “Can I get you anything?”
He
pointed to the pitcher of water beside his bed. She crossed the room and picked
up the pitcher and poured him some water into a cup. He reached for the cup
with shaky hands. June placed her hands over her dad’s, helped him hold the
cup.
“Thank
you, June,” he said, the words were labored. “What’s wrong? You don’t look like
yourself.” When he finished speaking, he took a couple agonized, wet-sounding
breaths.
“It’s
nothing,” she answered. She turned toward the window, letting the silence hang.
“It’s
Nick, isn’t it?”
“How’d
you know?”
“Because
I’ve seen that look before. It looks like you're lost, confused—”
“Stop,
please…I can’t take anymore.”
Henry
closed his thin lips and nodded.
“He
just showed up at our house yesterday. Part of me wants to throw caution to the
wind and be a family again but then there’s another part of me that knows
better. Some things are just not adding up. Where has he been all this time?
And why the heck is he back now? We’ve needed his help, he knows that. Not one
phone call, not one…Don’t you think that’s weird?”
Her
father held June’s gaze. “I don’t know how to answer that. I’d like to think
he’s grown a conscience. But…”
June
thought about it before shaking her head. “When he showed up, all I could think
about was our love for each other. How I missed it, how I missed him. I feel
like I’m at war with myself—like two different people, who want different
things. Knowing that whatever I choose, there’s part of me that will regret it
forever.”
“You
remember sitting on my lap as a little girl. You used to tell me all you wanted
to do was sing to help the world.”
She
raised her eyes to his, her expression drawn in anguish. “Help the world…yeah,
I remember. Didn’t quite happen that way. Instead, the only people I helped were
my agent, manager, music promoters, record label, PR companies, producers,
sound engineers, and the list goes on. None of it felt right, except for the
fans who really enjoyed my music. But it wasn’t enough. I feel like God wants
me to do something…But I just don’t know what that something is. And if he’s
sending me signs, I’m missing them all. I just can’t see myself as that girl
when I’m with Nick.”
“Well,
that’s a shame because I love that girl.” He coughed. “You shouldn’t change who
you are or what you want to be for that guy,” he said, hearing the desperation
in his voice. “This is your future, your hopes and dreams…not his…”
She
blinked without speaking, trying to absorb what he’d said.
Doctor
Watt’s appeared in the doorway. “Hello,” he said, forming each syllable
carefully, his manner and posture formal.
June
forced a smile as he entered the room. “Hi,” she replied.
“Glad
I caught you, we’re releasing your father today.” He could see the concern on
June’s face. “I’m sorry but there’s nothing more we can do.”
June
swallowed and nodded, knowing it would be good for him to be home again, a
place he loved with people he loved.
Doctor
Watt’s spoke quickly but kindly. “I know this is difficult. We’ve made a call
into hospice for you.”
June
bit her lower lip and nodded again. Several seconds passed as she processed
everything. She never imagined this. She imagined her dad growing old with her
mom and living in the house where she grew up. But not this. Seemed so unfair.
Cancer was not only erasing her father, but it was also erasing her family.
When
they arrived home, the sun had burned its way through the clouds. June looked
around for Nick, hoping he would help her, but he was nowhere to be found. So, June,
by herself, set up Daddy’s hospital bed in the living room, where light flowed
through the windows.
June
later entered the living room, after Henry had been sleeping for hours.
He
slowly angled up in the bed, the pain at the base of his spine twinged through
his body. Slowly, he reached for the coffee table that set next to his bed.
With his hands trembling, he gently picked up a letter that was folded in half.
“Here.”
As
he handed the letter over to her, she looked down at his hands and took it. She
unfolded it carefully. It read:
My
Love,
I’m
writing this letter because I don’t know how else to tell you how sorry I am.
Mally, falling in love with you has
been one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. As hard as it is for us
now—I wouldn’t have traded it for anything.
I’m sorry I haven’t been the same man
you fell in love with. I became a villain, a person I had no desire to be. I
let cancer take over not only my body, but my heart. It grew dark, scared, and
lonely. And I didn’t want you near me to see such self-destruction.
This is the reason I pushed you away.
I thought it would be best to have you hate me rather than leave you with a broken heart.
I want you to know, I treasure our
time together, however brief. You made me a happy man. Had you not been in my
life, I think a vital part of me would have simply withered away. You made me
want to be better. With my memories of our life—I feel at peace with dying.
You have every right to be mad at me.
I not only hurt you in the most terrible way, but I tried to take away our
love. But a love like ours, will never die, not even with me. I miss you, miss
your sassy remarks, your laughter, your pretty singing, wry smile, even your
nagging. Most of all, I miss having you as my friend.
Mally, it’s time for you to live your
life. When the river of life pushes you along with time, just know, I’ll be
there with you.
I
love you,
Henry
When
she finished reading the letter, she wandered outside and stood with unsteady
legs on the front porch. Mally and Melody were swinging lightly and reading one
of Melody’s books.
Mally
looked up. “Everything all right?” she asked.
June
slowly walked over to them and handed her Mamma the letter.
Mally
didn’t want to take it.
“Please.”
Mally
turned to Melody. “Sweet girl, will you get your grandma a sweet tea?”
Melody
grinned and scooted off the swing and ran into the house. June waited a moment
for her mother to read the letter silently to herself, then she gently sat next
to her on the swing. For a terrible, delicate moment, time stopped between
them, the world caught it’s breath.
Mally
lifted her head and released her tight shoulders. “All this time…”
“I
know Mamma. None of this seems fair, none of it.”
Mally’s
eyes filled with tears. “How can I say good-bye to the man I love? How?”
Tears
slid down June’s cheeks. “I love you, Mamma.”
Mally
rose to her feet and walked into the house, June followed in unison. Mally
stood in the hallway that led to the living room, staring at her husband, his
rail thin body, pale skin. She couldn’t handle much more than a few minutes.
She closed her eyes, sighed deeply, June heard how long and how hard her mother
had been avoiding this very moment.
Melody
came up beside Mally holding the tea, proudly in her hands, being careful not
to spill it, though it was filled to the rim.
June
leaned down and took the glass from Melody. “Thank you, sweet girl,” she said
with a slight smile. Although Melody was only eight years old, she could sense
the gravity of the moment. She grabbed her grandma’s left hand. Normally, her
grandma would react, but not this time. Her eyes remained glued to her husband,
noting how much he had changed in such a short period of time.
Henry
sighed tiredly, gazed up at Mally through sad, watery eyes. “I’m sorry.” His
thready voice floated on the sunlit air.
June
took Melody’s other hand and held it. The three of them walked toward Henry’s bed.
Melody let go of their hands and laid her head down on her grandpa’s chest.
Henry reached out, shaking, caressed her soft hair. “I heard you reading one of
my favorite books to your grandma, The Falling Raindrop.” Henry coughed.
“You know why I like that book so much?”
Melody
lifted her head.
“Because
the raindrop reminds me of myself. As he falls, his happiness vanishes. He
suddenly realizes he’s falling and not flying, he’s scared, alone, afraid of
what might happen to him. He misses out on the joy, he misses out on
everything, until he sees a glow and he can’t stop himself from crashing into
it, but instead of disappearing, something magical happens. The little raindrop
rises and joins the clouds once more.”
“Grandpa,
are you going into the clouds?”
“Melody,
I’m going to rise and be with God. He’ll take care of me as he has done so on
earth.”
“I’m
going to miss you.”
“And
I’m going to miss you too,” he said as tears ran down his cheeks. “Will you do
something for me?”
“Anything.”
“Good,”
he whispered. “Be a big girl and look after those two. They’re troublemakers,
you know.”
Melody
let out a laugh and looked up at her mom. “You got it.”
June
leaned down and kissed her father’s forehead. “Melody, can you help me fix
dinner?”
Melody
hugged her grandpa so tightly; you could see him grimace a little from the
pain. But he didn’t stop her.
When
they were gone, Henry sighed, pulled the covers up. “She’s a good kid.” His
voice was almost too quiet to hear.
“I
thought we would never see each other again.”
“And
yet…here we are.” Henry coughed blood into a wad of tissue. “The thought of you
being alone, without me…”
Mally
leaned down, kissed his wet cheek. “I know…I wish we could start again without
all the noise and stress. Just the three of us, together, loving each other the
way we should and enjoying each day like it’s our last. I wish so badly for
that time back. I’d forgive you and—”
He
interrupted. “Mally.”
“Yes.”
He
reached up, his hand shaking, and touched Mally’s cheek. “I wouldn’t change a
day in our life, not one. Because even when we were at our worst, we both knew
our love could never be broken or changed by anything. Didn’t we?”
She
smiled and let the tears roll down her face, no holding back, none. She
submerged her fear, her anger…and let the light into her heart. “You’re the
love of my life…I love you, Henry.”
Henry’s
hand fell from Mally’s face, thumped onto the bed. He struggled to take one
more breath, fought so hard for one more breath…but the air left his body and
never returned.